SUNDAY SURPRISE (172)

MATCH OR MISMATCH : A COMEDY SHORT STORY BY ME.

The phone rang incessantly at Shanti Traders, echoing through the bustling office like a siren of hope and despair. Mrs. Priya, a fiery woman with a penchant for sarcasm and a low tolerance for nonsense, snatched the receiver from its cradle.

“Hello?” she barked, already annoyed by the interruption.

“Good morning, ma’am! We’re calling from Lifepartner.com, and we’re thrilled to inform you about our exclusive matchmaking services tailored just for you!” a chipper voice chirped from the other end.

Mrs. Priya’s eyes narrowed, her patience wearing thin. “Exclusive matchmaking services? Tailored for me? Do you have any idea who you’re calling?”

The voice on the other end faltered for a moment before recovering. “Um, well, ma’am, we believe you’re single and looking for love…”

Mrs. Priya scoffed, her irritation reaching its peak. “Single? Looking for love? Let me tell you something, sweetheart. I’ve been married for twenty-five years, and slogging like a slave, both at home and the office. I am rather looking for peace of mind. So, stop ruining happy innocent lives.If you call this number again, I’ll make sure to find out your phone lock password and share it with your husband. Got it?”

The line went silent, the caller undoubtedly cowering in fear at Mrs. Priya’s formidable wrath. Satisfied with her retaliation, she slammed the phone back onto its cradle and returned to her crossword puzzle, muttering colorful expletives under her breath.

The phone at Lifepartner.com continued its relentless melody of hope and despair, each ring a potential connection or a calamity waiting to unfold. This time, the call connected to Mrs. Sharma, a woman with a wit as sharp as her culinary skills.

“Good morning, ma’am! We’re calling from Lifepartner.com, and we’re delighted to introduce you to our exclusive matchmaking services,” the chipper voice chirped, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing on the other end.

Mrs. Sharma’s lips curled into a mischievous smile as she considered her response. “Ah, matchmaking services, you say? How about this for a suggestion: supply brides and grooms with a label indicating the shelf life of the marriage. Best before date and all that jazz.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before the caller burst into laughter, unable to contain their amusement at Mrs. Sharma’s unexpected wit. “Ma’am, you’re a riot! If only we could implement that, life would be so much simpler.”

Mrs. Sharma chuckled in return, the tension dissipating as quickly as it had arisen. “Well, a little humor never hurt anyone, now did it? But I’m afraid I’ll have to pass on your services. I’m happily married, you see, and I wouldn’t want to disrupt the delicate balance of my blissful union.”

The caller chuckled in agreement, bidding Mrs. Sharma farewell before disconnecting the call. As Mrs. Sharma returned to her household chores, a sense of satisfaction washed over her.

Meanwhile, in a dimly lit room on the outskirts of the city, Bob, a disgruntled hacker with a bone to pick, cracked his knuckles and prepared to wreak havoc on Lifepartner.com. His wife’s incessant nagging for the perfect match had pushed him to the edge, and he was ready to unleash his revenge.

Profile 1:

Name: Rahul
Age: As old as the hills, but with the energy of a toddler on a sugar high.
Education: Graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, majoring in mischief and minor in mayhem.
Seeks a partner in crime for late-night pizza runs, Netflix binges, and impromptu dance-offs in the living room.

Bob smirked as he typed away, injecting Rahul’s profile with just the right amount of chaos and charm. “Let’s see how they handle this one,” he mused to himself.

Profile 2:

Name: Simran
Age: Forever young, like a fine wine aging in the cellar (but please don’t ask for a specific number).
Education: Self-proclaimed expert in the art of sarcasm, with a PhD in witty comebacks.
Seeks a partner who can keep up with her banter, make her laugh until she cries, and never says no to a midnight snack.

Bob chuckled as he crafted Simran’s profile, imagining the havoc she would wreak on any unsuspecting suitor. “Let’s spice things up a bit,” he said with a devilish grin.

Profile 3:

Name: Arjun
Age: Ageless, like the mysteries of the universe or that jar of pickles in the back of the fridge.
Education: Dropout from the School of Normality, with a knack for thinking outside the box.
Seeks a partner who isn’t afraid to color outside the lines, chase after their dreams with reckless abandon, and dance like nobody’s watching.

Bob leaned back in his chair, his fingers dancing across the keyboard as he put the finishing touches on Arjun’s profile. “Let the games begin,” he declared, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

He added two more profiles :

Name : Mahesh
Age: Old enough to take care of himself
Education : University of Boaston ( Boston)
Seeks a bride without brain so that she would be like a zombie and dance to the tunes of his family members.

Name : Tanya
Age: Old Enough to use curse words like Fs and Bs.
Education : Double Doctorate from WhatsApp University.
Seeks a groom qualified to be a henpecked husband, with in depth knowledge of economics especially the law of demand and supply. She will keep demanding and he has to keep supplying.

As chaos ensued at Lifepartner.com, with mismatched profiles causing uproar among hopeful romantics, Bob reclined in his chair, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. Who knew love could be so entertaining, especially when it came with a side of revenge?

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