MONDAY BLUES (26)

MY WEIRD DREAMS

It was a wonderful dream. A dream that was so real. I saw my late dad smiling at me. I asked him, ” Hi Dad! What are you doing here?” He said, ” I have come back to live with you, mom and your brother forever! ” I jumped in joy and said, ” Please promise me not to leave us again.” He nodded and we were living together as a family again.

This was followed by another sweet dream, where I became a child again and playing with my best friend in the backyard of my ancestral home at Nagpur. How can I ever forget the nightmare of flunking my college exams! I had to repeat another year and a really funny one in which I had to write the exams on behalf of my daughter in her school! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

I do remember seeing another dream in which all my dead dear ones have gathered together for a feast. When it was my turn to pick up a plate, my dead maternal uncle said, ” Go back, child. Your time hasn’t come yet. This feast isn’t meant for you.” I had goosebumps when I heard these words.

Initially, when I was married, I had recurring dreams of a messy divorce and my husband marrying another woman. This is almost turning out to be true. Probably, this might be a result of an intuition. My most recurring dream happens to be traveling in a train, randomly get down at some station and then miss it.

I don’t have ESP but a couple of my dreams turned out to be true. I saw myself going on a pilgrimage with my family in a van which realized just now. I hope none of my nightmares materialize in real life.

But my most favorite dream is wandering in a huge library, having thousands of racks of awesome books and I chose to read Harry Potter once again. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€.

Have you ever had dreams that turned out to be true? What was the funniest, scariest or the cutest dream you ever had? I find this topic quite interesting and would love to read your responses.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (25)

ANIMALS V/s HUMANS

Good afternoon friends,

First, I would love to share the pictures of these beauties and then present my views on the reasons why the animals are better than the humans.

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  1. Animals don’t follow any religion.
  2. Animals only kill for need and not because of greed.
  3. Animals don’t cause pollution of any kind. Sometimes, they are so kind hearted that they help the weaker animals.
  4. Animals aren’t vain. They live together in peace and don’t have egos bigger than their heads.
  5. They aren’t corrupt.
  6. They are more patient with their kids. They keep on teaching them until the children attain perfection in the art of survival.
  7. They don’t compare their kids with others nor do they force their children to do their bidding.
  8. They are contented with whatever they have. They don’t believe in usurping others property unlike some humans.
  9. They don’t encroach on human territory. We are responsible for depriving them of their homes. So, they are sometimes forced to enter the human settlements.
  10. They aren’t selfish and don’t resort to the exploitation and manipulation done by some power hungry greedy humans.

The only thing that makes a human superior to the animals is knowledge which is being grossly misused for destructive rather than constructive purposes. I am not claiming that all the humans are bad. Good people far outweigh the misguided ones ( I would say misguided rather than bad because no human in this world is bad. It’s just their thoughts are bad and they have strayed away from the righteous path.)

I realized this after I started blogging. There are so many wonderful, talented, encouraging friends that I have started believing in humanity again. But it can’t be denied that animals are certainly better because of the lack of vices possessed by us.

Who can forget the WTC attack of 9/11 in the USA? The whole world has been a victim of terrorism. It’s something to think about. My thoughts are with the family of the 9/11 victims. What’s the use of having knowledge when we are busy killing each other? How can we even claim to be the most intelligent beings when we are busy trying to manipulate and dominate each other?

Let’s focus our attention on using our knowledge and talent for the benefit of the world at large.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (24)

A MESSAGE FOR ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS.

Good morning dear Friends,

Even though I was on a three-day trip with my family and had a fantastic time, I missed all of you and so lagging behind in catching up with your blogs.

Right now, I am not keeping a good health. So, it’s really a Monday blues for me. I hope everything turns out well and I can continue the jokes and memes with you tomorrow.

I would surely check out your blogs as soon as I get well. Looking forward to reading your fabulous posts. Take good care and do keep looking out for my new blogs.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (24)

FUNNY LAST NAMES

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Good afternoon friends,

Someone just challenged me that no one is going to buy my book or read it. It hurts a lot when your life partner, afraid of your success, stoops too low to discourage you. He pretends to sympathize with my book sales going slow. That’s why I am doing everything I can to promote my book. I am not afraid of failure now because my marriage of 14 years has been my biggest failure. Yet, here I am alive to share jokes and stories with you. My only dream is to work hard and reach that level where I could extend my support, moral, physical and financial support to those who have been the victims of unfortunate circumstances. So, I promise never to give up. As Robert Frost has rightly said.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep.

And miles to go before I sleep.

And miles to go before I sleep.

That’s it! Now it’s time to think of something funny. I was going through my emails when I read some gossip headlines pertaining to some actress called Akanksha Puri. Please forgive my ignorance. I don’t know who this Puri ( deep-fried wheat bread of India) or Chapati ( flatbread made of wheat flour)is, but the last name made me smile. I apologize to anyone who’s reading this and has his or her last name after food. This is purely for fun.

I remember coming across weird and very funny last names in Maharashtra ( India). We had a neighbor called Aglawe ( the one who sets fire). These are some funny names that actually exist :

Potdukhe ( Stomach ache)

Kanphade ( tearing away the ears).

Waghmare ( the tiger slayer).

Gaitonde ( the face of the cow).

Pitale The ones who use brass.


Tambe Named after copper


Lokhande The ones like iron


Sone And the ones like gold.

Keshpage Something related to hair.

Biskute The one who eats lots of cookies and biscuits.

Kharche The one who spends too much money.

Basmaare The one who stinks.

We have people whose last names end with colors in western countries like Brown, Black, White, Green. I would like to know if there are any names like Blue, Pink, Red, Purple or Yellow. I know there’s a Violet but it’s the first name.

In Maharashtra too, people have fantastic surnames ( last names) like

Kale Black

Gore White

Piwle Yellow

Hirve Green.

We had a doctor in our neighborhood called Dr. Patange ( the one who flies kite). My cute adorable maternal grandma would often mispronounce the last names like Labade (pronounced Laa-bde has no meaning but when you read it as La- baa-de, it means a bad guy) as Lafada (affair), Hedau became Hoda to her and she used to call Meshram as Besharam ( Shameless in Hindi) . We used to burst out laughing when she mispronounced the names. She was a real cutie.

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

William Shakespeare.

This is true. There are similar sounding words which have a different meaning in other languages.

Aai in Marathi means mom, whereas Aai in Tamil means poop. Oh my God! What a nasty degradation from a mother to poop! Naak in Hindi means nose and in Tamil it means tongue. So, there’s everything in a name and our tongues must be careful and think twice before speaking. It’s the softest part of our body, capable of causing the breaking of our bones or teeth. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (23)

MONDAY BLUE BUT I AM RED.

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Good afternoon friends,

Hope you had a fantastic weekendπŸ•πŸ πŸŽ‰. I wish I had something more cheerful to share with you. I am angry, yes, very very angry. But instead of shouting at my family, I have decided to chill it out by writing a satirical essay.

How do you greet your loved ones when you wake up in the morning? Good morning, honey, dear and any friendly nickname, right? But when I get up, I am greeted with ‘What’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? ” I am tempted to answer, ” Do I look like a restaurant or a hotel that comes with a menu card to you? ” This habit has been passed on from the grandfather ( my father-in-law) to his son ( my husband) to his granddaughter ( my 12 year old kid who’s my grandma in reality).

Now I take great pride in announcing that I have got married into a family whose favorite hobbies are non stop eating and non stop chatting. According to the kind gentlemen in my family, the best daily exercise is the one which is done by bringing your hand very close to your mouth, putting anything edible into it for eating, making your teeth, incisors, molars, or canine, whatever is left in your mouth, to grind the poor thing into a powder that get mixed with your saliva, enters your stomach through the food pipe, and make the stomach do the needful yoga asanas, with the help of the digestive juices.

I don’t mind cooking. It’s my duty. But to keep on demanding things to eat, every couple of hours crosses all the limits. Then, instead of appreciating the hard work, these lovely people quickly find out faults, ” It’s too sour, ” ” It’s too salty, ” ” It’s too bland.” That’s why I am so furious. I wish we were like cows, eat food then chew cuds. I am thinking of coming up with new recipes like grass salad, spinach juice, or the very bitter neem leaves soup. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Probably, no one will ask for the next round of meals. It really hurts when you are treated like an unpaid slave.

” Swaraaj ( self-governance) is my birthright and I shall have it, ” said Freedom Fighter Bal Gangadhar Lokmaanya Tilak. Now I have coined a new statement, ” Eating is my birthright and I shall keep chewing.”

Sometimes, I wish humans too came with stickers like ” Beware of this man, he is a womanizer, ” ” Beware of this woman, she’s a great gossip,” “Beware of this man, he asks too many questions, ” and ” Beware of this woman, she talks too much.” I guess being abused after marriage for 14 years has brought the frustration in me. Not every family is like this. But I and my brother have went through hell in our respective disastrous marriages. So I feel that marriages are not always made in heaven, some are made in hell too, but divorces are finalized on the earth. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Women, especially housewives, are humans too. They deserve to take a break. I wish people could realize that just because a woman stays at home to take care of her family, she should not slog the whole day in the kitchen, deciding on what to cook for the fussy eaters in her family. A great family life is all about wholehearted support, encouragement, and appreciating each other, helping each other in whatever ways we can.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (22)

FUNNY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

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Childhood days are the best moments of our lives. I spent most of my childhood reading books and playing with my best friends. We used to have family reunion and all the cousins had a gala time together. My maternal aunt’s son, Rakesh, was a notorious mischief monger. I remember his experimenting with fruits and milk. He chopped pieces of apple, grapes and oranges and put them in a glass of milk, adding salt and pepper. He offered them to his kid brother who spat it out in disgusting, scowling at him and calling him names. I couldn’t hold back my laughter. There was another time when my grandpa brought us buns with jam. He cut the bun into two, added fruits, tomato sauce and pepper. It was ridiculous. He could not eat it. My poor grandpa didn’t want to waste it. He ate the bun with great difficulty, making weird faces.

My eighty year old great grandma loved Hindi film songs. One day, she was in a great mood and sang ” Main Solah Baras ki( I am sixteen years old)”from the movie Karz. A passerby heard her singing and teased her, ” Look grandma has turned sixteen again.” Nevertheless, she laughed too. However, this fiery great grandma of mine had a very nasty habit. She used to torment my sweet sugary grandmom who never raised her volume or answer her back.

One day, she made fun of my grandma’s devotion to Goddess Karumari ( A form of Maa Shakti). That night, she saw the Goddess holding a big baton in Her Hand and threatening her, ” How dare you make fun of My devotee? ” The Goddess chased her all around, ready to beat her. Great grandma woke up the next day and immediately apologized to Granny, promising never to ridicule her devotion.

Now, I would like to talk about my paternal grandma who had zero knowledge of Hindi. She had a big argument with my grandpa ( He died before my parents got married). He called her ‘Stupid’ while she called him ” Gandu” (Asshole) without knowing its meaning. Grandpa burst out laughing instead of getting angry. When he explained the meaning of the word, she felt embarrassed and apologized to him. My dad narrated this tale to me.

I guess there are too many comical instances from my childhood. One of my second cousins, dropped a spatula inside a grinder in which his grandma was making the batter for idli and dosa. As a result of his mischief, some of the batter splattered all over the wall. When his mother learned of his mischief, she locked him inside a room to punish him. She thought he would cry in fear and apologize. But to her dismay, there was total silence. She decided to peek inside the room only to find him playing with the audio cassettes ( audio tapes). He had removed the reels completely and got them entangled. Oh my God! Punishing him proved to be very costly.

I hope you enjoyed reading this mischief special episode of Monday Blues.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (21)

SCHOOL DAYS AND FUNNY NICKNAMES OF TEACHERS

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Good afternoon friends,

Hope you had a fantastic weekendπŸ•πŸ πŸŽ‰. Today I am going to share a chapter of my golden days, childhood and school days. According to a latest joke, SCHOOL stands for Seven Crappy Hours OF One’s life. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. This might be true from the viewpoint of a disgruntled kid, fearing punishment for a homework that he forgot to do.

That said, school days are indeed memorable. I remember when children had coined spontaneous nicknames for their offending teachers.

I and my brother went to Saraswati Vidyalaya in Nagpur. One of our Physical Education teachers, was called ‘ glass tumbler’. God knows why? My Maths teacher reminded me of Lord Voldemort while our social studies teacher was notoriously called as the ” Sleeping Pill”. All the students at middle school and primary school level, teased her a lot. This was something I didn’t like and felt bad for her. She also taught History to my younger brother. He told me about an interesting incident that took place while the class was going on:

Class: Goooood Morniiiiiiiing, Teacher. ( wished musically just to irritate her.)

The History teacher: Good morning. Please say it normally. I don’t want to listen to a movie song.

She started teaching about the early civilization. ” So, ” she droned, ” The middle class people were…… ” A student raised his hand and answered, ” Third class people.” The whole class giggled. The teacher screamed, ” That’s all. The whole class has gone mad.”

She controlled her temper and resumed teaching. She raised her voice dramatically while a boy pretended to control her volume by turning on and off, an imaginary knob on an imaginary radio. She was miffed as children continued to chatter and she threatened, ” Heyyy…… If you talk no……… that’s all.”

I remember joining a new school at Delhi, DTEA. Except for a selected few, teachers had nicknames here as well. Our History teacher was Mrs. Bhuvaneshwari, whom my classmates called ‘ Babbu’. Once it so happened that we gifted her a Teacher’s Day card but accidentally wrote, “Dear Ms. Babbu. You are one of the best teachers, we ever had.” She smiled and took it very sportingly.

Our political science teacher was called “Chimpabai” because she looked like a chimpanzee. I know it’s too cruel. But at least we listened to her lectures attentively, unlike, our History Teacher in Nagpur.

While the incidents may seem to be funny but it speaks volumes of the students bullying their teachers, which I completely despised. Teachers are like our secondary parents. They should be treated with respect and not tortured. I request all the parents having school going kids to advise them on refraining from badmouthing their teachers.

It’s not easy to handle a class of 40, with most of the parents complaining about the lack of individual attention to their wards. These people should understand that they can hardly manage their own children at home while the teachers have to take care of 40-45 students.

While I might have laughed at the unusual nicknames of the teachers , I wish to apologize to all of them on behalf of the entire class and thank them sincerely for kindling the light of knowledge on the darkness of ignorance in our souls.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (20)

MY QUIRKY THOUGHTS

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Good morning friends,

After enjoying the weekend, it’s time to go back to work. Last week, I discussed about the toxic people. Unfortunately, I know a toxic person who’s body is full of negativity. I wonder how can one be so dull and full of prejudice? I was discussing my special project with a friend and the interference came in the form of the eavesdropper who said it won’t work out. I was so furious that I wrote an autobiography of a nincompoop :

This is a sorry tale of a pessimist who’s suffering from superiority complex. Sounds like a paradox, doesn’t it?

“Hi, My name is Mr.Perfectionist and My wife hatingly ( instead of lovingly, I created this word on purpose) calls me an arrogant son of a bitch. Since I have a Phd in stupidity, I think the whole world comprises of stupids, morons, and idiots. I have a bunch of lame excuses to avoid moving my butt to work. The most important reason is the fear of failure. What’s the use of working your ass when you know your attempt is sure to fail?

When I was born, the doctor told my parents that I was underweight. ( My conclusion is perhaps I was born without a brain) My parents thought I was a great hero. People thought I was a perfect son until I started speaking. My Speciality is I can talk like an alcoholic without actually being one. No, it’s not acting. I can make people vanish when I dish out my unsolicited advice. I am a great astrologer but can only predict disasters and calamities. Unfortunately, no one predicted that I would be born otherwise my parents would have taken a preventive measure.”

These kinds of people would only give advice like:

Don’t walk too fast, you will fall and break your bones.

Never complain about headache or a body ache to these geniuses. Their prompt diagnosis would be you might be having brain tumor or cancer. And the best solution for curing headache would be getting yourself beheaded. Neither will there be a head nor will you get a headache. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

We should never discourage or try to stop anyone from pursuing his or her dreams. My autobiography might seem crazy but it helped me to get over my built up frustration. Now I feel cool and relaxed. Henceforth, Monday Blues will only feature cool, humorous stories of my childhood or my mom’s pranks.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (19)

BEWARE OF TOXIC PEOPLE.

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Good afternoon friends,

Do you have pessimistic idiots around you who question your every action? If the answer is yes, then congratulations, even I am tolerating them. So far I have managed to control my temper. These are some lines dedicated to them who always think negative. I wonder if they question their parents.

“Did you really give birth to me?

How did you achieve this big feat?

I am a loser, as you can see.

I can’t even sit properly on the toilet seat.

The whole world is coming to an end.

No one will survive this catastrophe.

Everyone is after your money. No one is your true friend.

The pandemic diseases and war will alter the geography.

Why did you give birth to me at such an inauspicious hour?

Couldn’t you hold on for some time?

I feel devoid of any power.

I am not worth even a dime.”

This is the attitude of a person who’s suffering from a bad case of negativity. I know one such person who always keeps saying, “You can’t do this, You can’t do that. Be practical.”

My response is ” What do you want me to do? Shift my residence to a science laboratory to be practical. Why just practical? Why can’t I be theoretical? ” This is enough to irritate the other one. I made a blunder of announcing my ambition to this person who obviously completed his degree from WhatsApp University. I told him I wanted to write a book. His immediate response was ” Nobody reads books these days. Everything is available on Amazon. Why are you wasting your time and energy? The book is going to be a disaster.”

My response, ” Wow, You never told me you did a professional course in astrology. If you are such an expert, how could you not predict the onset of Covid-19? Did your inner eye went to sleep with your brain? ” There was a complete silence. The person stopped passing negative comments. Some people do it mostly out of their jealousy.

Don’t ever listen to their crap. Then, there are wonderful geniuses who compare their lives with others. They make their children’s lives miserable. ” Look at Sharma’s daughter, she scored 95% . Why have you scored only 70% ? We are only concerned about your studies so that you should not suffer in future like us? ” The children may retaliate, ” Look at Amitabh Bachchan. He has amassed wealth for his future generation while you are busy forwarding useless advice on the social media.”

This is a disgusting attitude. We should stop comparing our children with others. Everyone is an individual having his / her own talent. Likewise, your intelligence is judged on the basis of your chosen field of education. Those who have taken, commerce, science or maths are highly intelligent while students of arts are hardly recognized. What kind of idiocy is this?

In fact, a career chosen mainly on the basis of money earning capacity. Is money everything? When I took up blogging, the first question I faced was, “How much do you earn, why don’t you go for a job? Money is important for your child’s education and marriage.” My critics ( well wishers) conveniently forgot that I never asked for their financial assistance nor the unwanted piece of bullshit called advice.

Then, there is a race for buying assets. My neighbour bought a car. So I should buy a more expensive car to humiliate him. Wow! Witnessed these kinds of people as well. These are the toxic people who poison the atmosphere with their jerk like attitude. They should come with a warning.

“Beware of me, I am more dangerous than a stinking fart.

Negativity, and criticism is my special art.

Bow to me for I am a king ( of fools).

My comments are nastier than a scorpion sting.”

I have just learned that the key to your happiness lies in ignoring unwanted negative comments. An earnest appeal to the mischief mongers:

If you can’t encourage anyone, don’t do it but never discourage anyone from pursuing his / her dreams. All of us are the blessed children of God. Stop spewing venom and avoid jealousy, greed, anger, ego, pride, pessimism, hatching conspiracy to cause someone’s downfall. As for me, I will simply turn my back on them with a smile.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

MONDAY BLUES (18)

PERFECT HUMANS : ERROR 404 NOT FOUND.

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When I first applied for my voter ID, I had no idea that I was about to have a massive heart attack. At first, I laughed at the Voter ID and said, ” The Government has started issuing voter IDs to Gorillas and Chimpanzees.”

My mom intervened and added, “Look carefully, it’s your own Voter ID.” I was too shocked to respond. I know I am not Miss Photogenic or a beauty queen but hey! I don’t look like a ghost or an ape. I wanted to personally strangle the idiotic photographer for completely blackening my face. I only had two white slits for my eyes. Even aliens would scared by the photo.

Then, I got married and updated my Voter ID with a change of address. This time, my photo was perfect but they murdered my name from Aparna to Abarna. I had enough of this nonsense. Who employed these geniuses ( read idiots)? I had filled my name in capital in the application. This is nothing compared to what my brother-in-law and sister-in-law went through. The closest relative of Shri Albert Einstein chose to mismatch the name with their respective photographs. Now, their Voter IDs had a female name to a male pic and a male name to the female pic. God, where were You when these geniuses were being created?

Now, let’s share and enjoy human stupidity which has no limit. I came across some funny conversation published in the local newspaper when I was 10 or 11. The reason I remember them is because of the genuine idiocy reflected in it. We act foolishly at times, don’t even realize it and are proud of our idiocy.

  1. Hum subah subah morning walk ko jaate hain. It means we go for a morning walk in the morning. Who the hell goes for a morning walk at night? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ The speaker deserves an award for his sense of humor.
  2. Woh neeche wale ground floor me rehta hai. It means he lives on the lower ground floor. What do you mean by lower ground floor? Ground floor itself means on the ground. There’s no such thing as upper and lower ground floor. It has to be first floor or the basement. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
  3. You can stay with us for as long as you like for two days. ( This is taken from the Hindi comedy series ‘ Khichdi’ spoken by a funny lady character Jaishree Parekh)
  4. I have two daughters. Both are girls.
  5. A teacher was asking his students to be quiet and said, ” Shush, Children! Don’t make any noise. The principal is revolving around the school.” He meant to say that the principal was on the rounds.
  6. Another genius teacher yelled at a couple of students and said, ” Both of you three get out of the class.”
  7. A Physical Education Teacher was instructing his students to stand in a straight circle.
  8. Two friends had a major argument. A passerby decided to intervene and prevent the fight from escalating. One of the friends was poor in English but wanted to impress the others. He said, ” I talk. He talk. Why you middle middle talk? ” He meant to ask why the third person was interfering in their argument. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€
  9. There was a candidate who was asked to write an essay on cow. He wrote: “He is a cow. He has four legs, two horns, two eyes, a big tongue and a tail to fight the mosquitoes. He has four taps attached to the bottom of the stomach, ( udder) , from which we get milk.” The examiner must be in coma after reading this gross murder of English. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
  10. Open the window and let the atmosphere come in. πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ
Brainy Quote.

And now a childhood memory.

My school photo.

This is my school photo taken in the third grade. Any guesses, where I am?

Fourth from the right on the topmost row.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊