COLD AND FEVER : A FUNNY POEM BY ME

Hi Friends,

Today ‘I am not feeling well because of which ‘I could not write the short stories for today. ‘I will surely post them next week. You guessed it right. The two culprits mentioned in the heading are the reason why ‘I have been sniffling all day and practically spoiled two handkerchiefs. Yet, ‘I will not give up without posting something. So, here is a hilarious poem for you to enjoy instead.

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I feel thousands of hammers pounding on my head. 
I wish I could fall asleep like the dead. 
All thanks to my runny nose, 
And the water can't seem to stop flowing from this hose. 

I wish I could get rid of cold forever. 
It also brought along its dreadful partner, the fever. 
Loss of taste and appetite. 
My face is now such a miserable sight. 

Thanks to non stop blowing, my nose is red, 
I wish I could sleep all day in my bed. 
I am also feeling quite blue. 
As I am suffering from body pain too. 

Unable to keep my eyes open now. 
I did nothing to catch cold. But 'I wonder how. 
The villain of my life manage to ruin my day. 
Now I am popping some bitter pills to drive it away. 


If possible, I will post something entertaining for you in the evening. Going to snore now. Take care, friends. 

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POETIC THURSDAYS (51)

ONLINE TRANSACTIONS : A FUNNY POEM BY ME.

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Pinterest

Don't get misled by the products on the internet. 
This is what you order and this is what you get. 
Promoting herbal products and pills to make you slim. 
Then, why the hell, is there a gym? 

Sit at the comfort of your home and order everything online. 
As long as you don't cheated, it's fine. 
But then, what would be the fate of the shopping malls and the supermarket? 
And cyber predators are looking out for their unsuspecting target. 

But when it comes to the advertisement for a matrimonial site. 
Fake testimonials of the mismatched couples comes to the light. 
A husband looks at his newlywed wife with pride. 
Little does he know that he has a Godzilla for a bride. 

A wife displays her love and affection for her soulmate. 
Who's hurting her everyday, as she bemoans her fate. 
Then, there are astrologers predicting the future. 
Also, forcing the clients to buy their products for a remedy, by their torture. 

No, I am not against buying products over the website. Just be wise. 
Exercising caution is a must while buying online merchandise. 
Do not share your PIN, OTP, and passwords with anyone, is my only advice. 
Be careful with what you order, the quality, quantity and the price. 
Before entering any figure, think twice. 
While the internet is useful, do not blindly trust. 
Browsing the net with caution is a must. 

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THE MISSING MAID

A FUNNY POEM BY Me.

Hi friends,

This is just for the sake of a funny poem and also dedicated to the domestic help whose absence for a day hurts us. My domestic help only does the laundry and dirty dishes. I do the rest of the work.

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An ominous silence takes over my broken heart. 
How long shall I endure this pain? 
I have been scrubbing dishes for the past two days. 
My maid has done it again. 

She's on leave, and so here I am. 
Dusting and mopping the floor.
I don't mind the cooking. 
But clearing the mess is such a bore. 

At last! I finished doing the dishes. 
Now I can take a break for a while. 
Just then my daughter enters the kitchen. 
Dropping a few dirty dishes into the sink in style. 

I cast a murderous glance at her. 
She gives me a sincere smile. 
Drat! There goes my motherly heart. 
A face so innocent and free from guile. 

It's time to do the laundry. 
And off goes the Electricity, sparking my fury. 
The washing machine is useless. 
I wash the clothes with such a force that I fear I may cause them injury. 

Finally! I completed the household chores. 
I have learned to appreciate my maid. 
My lassie! Please come back to work. 
And forgive me for any hurtful word I said. 

I realized how hard she works. 
And it's just not only my house, but she handles several houses together. 
I hope she recovers from her poor health. 
May she be healthy and fit as a fiddle. 
Let's not take her for granted ever. 


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LAUGHTER TUESDAYS (37)

THE OTHER SIDE OF PAIN : A FUNNY SATIRICAL POEM BY ME.

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Pain and misery are a poet's essential creative tools. 
Those who have this preconceived notion are no less than fools. 
No one has escaped from the clutches of pain. 
So, there's no reason to be proud or vain. 

Real pain is not just the result of a heart break. 
Nothing could be worse than a toothache. 
Or getting your fingers stuck in a door, 
Or a toe stub against a table would make you cry more. 

Can you imagine the plight of a passenger who missed his flight or train? 
That's what is called real pain. 
Or when you get scolded for scoring low marks. 
And your relatives hound you like prey hunting sharks. 

Pain is when your family eats your favorite food when you are sick. 
This pain fuels your anger and you feel the desperate urge to kick. 
Each and every offending family member. 
To calm down your nerves and flaring temper.

When you miss out on a lottery by a digit, a pain hits you straight in the heart. 
You are about to go for a long drive with your beloved and the car won't start. 
Or your internet data gets over before you upload the post. 
That's when it hurts you the most. 

When you have put the clothes out for drying in the sun, but then comes the rain. 
Your tears flow naturally and you blame your luck again. 
You dread meeting a certain person and he turns up at your house. 
You contemplate the ways to get rid of him ; to escape from a boring louse. 
 

You try to end a conversation on the phone, trying to hold back the urge to pee. 
But the caller drones on and on, and you think 
"Why this always happens to me? " 
So, you see, pain need not necessarily be grim or sad. 
Because there are some pain in the behind, who can also made you mad. 

But the unforgivable and the saddest pain is the betrayal of your trust. 
Consider it a lesson to be learned that you must. 
Some might say that the best teacher in life is pain. 
That doesn't mean you have to go through this boring class time and again. 



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POETIC THURSDAYS(32)

MY SLEEPLESS NIGHT : A FUNNY POEM By Me.

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A kick to my backside, 
A punch to my face. 
That's my daughter claiming her sleeping space. 
I have no broken bones or teeth by God's grace. 
I learned to say goodbye to my sleeping days. 


My smartphone causes a distraction. 
I end up sleeping late. 
The mosquitoes find me delicious. 
Resigned to a sleepless fate. 
Then, the TV blares on as my husband watches a cricket match. 
The commentator is ecstatic as our fielders or bowlers take a catch. 


Sometimes, a late night movie, or my husband's snores. 
Keep me awake for some time. 
Despite being tired of the domestic chores. 
When I am finally asleep, I receive a message or a call at night. 
Not to mention the trips to the toilet where the cockroaches give me a fright. 


Then, my idiotic brain, activates unwanted thought. 
How I missed my chance to freedom! 
How I got married to a despot! 
How my crazy decision to move to this hell of a place! 
How I would love to punish the person I despise in countless ways ! 


I am too tired to carry on my mindless ranting. 
Going to try meditation and prayer chanting. 
The moment, when I close my eyes, I hear the doorbell ring. 
I open it only to find a salesman canvassing. 
I send him away after turning him down. 
It's useless to try and meditate as I end up with a frown. 

A good night's sleep and peace of mind are a human's great treasures. 
A dreamless sleep with no disturbance is indeed a great pleasure. 
My eyes are drooping slowly now. 
And I wish to take a small nap. 
But it's already morning, I can't afford to sleep. 
Probably, I will splash my face with water from the tap. 




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FOOD PROBLEM

A FUNNY POEM BY ME

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Sometimes I wonder whether we eat to live or live to eat.
"What are you going to make today? "
 It's my husband's standard morning greet. 
I think of something right away. 


"I won't eat this, or I don't like that." 
That's the story of every house. 
Kids are picky eaters, and some are spoiled brats. 
What to speak of a grumpy spouse? 

"Why is there so much sugar in the tea? " complains my better half. 
"Next time, I will add salt, " I say. 
He scowls at me while I laugh. 
He leaves me alone and walks away. 


"What should I make for breakfast, lunch, and dinner ?"
This question rattles every housewife. 
The food should be scrumptious but also make us thinner. 
These conditions add to a miserable life.

The soaring prices of gas cylinders make me think. 
One might be forced to eat salad or vegetables raw. 
The less we cook means the lesser dishes at the sink. 
And I let out a huge guffaw. 

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COMICAL LOVE

A FUNNY POEM BY ME.

Good afternoon friends,

I have come up with another humorous conversational poem between two friends. My previous one was about a person who’s is dejected and heart broken after a split and his friend who tries to cheer him up with his funny advice. This one is just to warn a friend about falling in love with a wrong person. I hope you like it. As usual, the letters in bold is spoken by the lover boy while his sensible friend tries to warn him.

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" Love is in the air," he said. 
" It's your fart smells in the air, and ten are dead." 
" Please, can you tell me where my heart's gone?" 
" It ran away with your brain, you moron." 

"My eyes can see nothing except you." 
" Probably, you need a pair of glasses too." 
" My love, Let's go out on a date. "
" Why just date? Go out for a month and a year, mate? " 

" I wish I could lose myself in the large pool of your lovely eyes." 
"Committing suicide is not what I would advise."
" What a lovely, lustrous hair you have got! "
" How many dandruff and lice have you fought?" 

" Your voice is so melodious, my darling, do you know? " 
" Yeah, I heard your singing. It's as sweet as a crow." 
" I want to hold you in my arms until my last breath." 
"Your bad breath may cause her  death." 

" Hey, What's the big problem with you, my friend?" 
" Do you have enough money in your wallet to spend? " 
" My girl doesn't care for money." 
" As long as you have cash, she would call you honey." 

" How can you be so sure of that?" 
" She has a healthy bank balance and she's a spoiled brat." 
" My Tina would never betray me." 
" She was my ex-girlfriend, you see." 

My poor friend was simply taken for a ride. 
He thought his girlfriend would be his bride. 
It broke his heart only to learn. 
She was simply using him for fun. 

Remember, true love never depends upon your status or job. 
Nor does it exploit you and rob. 
Or strip you naked of your wealth. 
Look before you fall in love, for the sake of your health. 

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POETIC THURSDAYS (24)

DAILY SOAPS ON TV : A FUNNY POEM bY ME

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Daily soaps on TV affect our thinking. 
There's no storyline and these shows are stinking.
A Mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law are in a wrestling match. 
They are fighting over the hero as their prized catch. 

Then comes a blaring, irritating background music. 
To mark the entry of a villain or a vamp unique. 
There are handsome villains and gorgeous vamps. 
The hero and the heroine look like tramps. 

The heroine is pregnant for a whole year. 
As the audience keeps waiting for the delivery date to appear. 
"Congratulations,  it's a boy," says the delivering nurse. 
And the proud grandma gifts her some money with the purse. 

It's nothing but the unfortunate demise of creativity and logic. 
The dead characters reappear as if by magic. 
The biggest bullshit shown in TV soaps is the twenty-year leap. 
There's a compulsory death ceremony with people dressed in white to weep. 

A mother looks younger than her son. Oh! What a crap! 
Even the poorest man looks glamorous despite the cash strap. 
I have a question for the producers of these shows. 
What did we do to offend you? God only knows. 

Do we look like hereditary idiots to you? 
Caught in the TV serials like monkeys in a zoo. 
In the name of entertainment, they are serving trash. 
To watch these shows, we must be paid in cash. 😄😄😄😄. 

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FUNNY NEWS

A FUNNY POEM BY ME

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Just imagine if our lives were a part of news channel:

” Good evening and welcome to the House Hold News”
” We are here to create chaos and confuse.”
” Mrs. X is upset over her husband’s affair.”
She’s weeping and blowing her nose in despair.”


” It turns out, he is just in love with his wallet.”
” Making our reporters look like an idiot.”
” Every day he opens his wallet to kiss the money.”
” Mrs. X thought, he was smooching the pic of his honey.”


” Mrs. B’s son just failed in mathematics. “
” He tried using cheap cheating tactics.”
” Mrs. D gave birth to her third son.”
” Gee, Reporting these news is sure fun.”


” Bobby reportedly stole Cindy’s candy.”
” Her mother seemed to pretty mad at Mandy”
” Chasing her all the way with a stick in her hand. “
” Followed by her poor, panting husband.”


” Mandy posted a picture of her mother in her facial mask.
With the caption, living with a dragon isn’t an easy task.”


“Mrs. Y spotted a couple canoodling in love.
And dropped a bucket of water from the first floor above.”
“Thank you for being with us all the time.
I hope you think twice before committing a crime.”


These kind of hilarious news are better than those glorifying corruption, murder, rape and any crime against humanity.

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POETIC THURSDAYS (12)

EXPECTATION V/S REALITY: A FUNNY POEM bY ME

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Don't expect someone to return your love or money. 
You may find my thoughts quirky and funny. 
A jar of cookies may contain sewing thread, needles and pins. 
A prick on your fingers and you have paid for your sins. 


You open the refrigerator and pick up a bottle of water. 
It turns out to be vinegar and there ends the matter. 
Don't get carried away if you see a delicious piece of cake. 
You may end up loosing a tooth if it's a fake. 


Don't let people praising you too much get into your head. 
They might imply there's no greater fool than you instead. 
There's a huge difference between the expectations and the reality. 
Lines are vanishing fast between sanity and insanity. 


Online scammers are lurking around. 
Plotting sinister plans that may appear to be sound. 
Investing in a project without the reality check. 
May leave you in debts upto your neck. 

It's better to be cautious than be a fool, 
Falling prey to hackers who think it's cool. 
To trick innocent people into parting with their money. 
And relishing it like honey. 

Expectations may materialize or cause a heart break. 
Never expect too much; It's a mistake. 
Enjoy your life because we live only once. 
Have fun but never let anyone consider you a dunce. 

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