LAUGHTER TUESDAYS (78)

MARRIAGE SAGA: A HILARIOUS SHORT STORY.

Anisha Sharma, 28, worked as a Manager for Silicon Valley International, an IT company in New Delhi. She stayed with her parents, Prakash, and Ambika Sharma in the posh Hauz Khas locality.

Her elder sister, Arati, had committed suicide after being repeatedly rejected by the prospective grooms who came to see her but preferred Anisha. Though Arati was plump and dusky, she was pretty, highly intelligent, and professionally more qualified than her suitors. Anisha adored her sister. Though Arati was older than her by three years, they were more like conjoined twins. Even in her suicide note, she didn’t blame Anisha at all which hurt Anisha even more. Anisha started hating men and vowed to remain single all her life. But in a typical patriarchal society, people will keep on hunting single women, force them to get married and start questioning them if they don’t produce an offspring within a year or two.

Anisha was over the moon because her company had successfully bagged an overseas project, and she was selected to represent the company to complete the negotiations in the USA. She couldn’t wait to convey this news to her parents. It was 5.30 PM and she received a text message ” Please come home. It’s urgent. Your presence is required.” She was alarmed and sought permission from her manager to go home early. The moment, she reached home, her mother decked in an expensive sari and costly necklace welcomed her with a hug. She looked baffled and asked, ” What the hell is going on? Are you planning to get married again? ” ” Not me, you silly girl. It’s you, “her mother said, ” Go and get ready. The prospective groom and his family are coming to see you. They are quite wealthy and own a successful business in the city. Have you heard of The Trilochan Group? They are into construction business. Your paternal aunt, Manju, was the one who forwarded your horoscope to them. If everything goes well, ‘we will be having a grand wedding.” Anisha lost her temper and yelled, ” Did I beg her that I needed a man to dictate me what to do Or not to do or that I am dying due to lack of a healthy sex life? If she and rest of our relatives are looking for free food, ask them to visit a temple or Gurudwara where langar (free food) is served.” Her parents were shocked at her outburst. Her father tried to pacify her, ” Please, my child. At least meet them. If you don’t like the boy, we won’t force you.” Anisha wanted to teach them a lesson they would never forget. She gave a conspiratorial grin and said, ” Ok.” Her parents were relieved. Her paternal aunt, Manju, arrived with the guests. Anisha looked resplendent in her purple saree with her hair neatly tied in a bun.

She offered everyone water, followed by tea and snacks. The suitor, Nitin, was enamored by her beauty and decided to start the conversation, ” So, Anisha is your name, right? ” Anisha smirked, ” Why, didn’t you read my job application submitted by my beloved aunt?” ” Job application? ” Nitin and his parents looked confused. Anisha chuckled and handed over an envelope. She said, ” Please read the cover letter and then tell me if I am selected or rejected. Don’t worry. I am not going to end my life if you reject me.” Nitin started reading :

To Whichever idiot it may concern

Sub : Application for the post of your wife cum domestic servant cum whore cum baby sitter.

Respected Gentleman,

I am not a zoo exhibit for you to come and ogle at free of cost. There’s an entrance fee of 500₹ per head. The next thing is this is not a fashion show and you can’t compel me to do the traditional catwalk for the humiliating check to confirm whether the girl has any deformity. Would you throw me out if I lost a leg in an accident after marriage? I have certain terms and conditions before I accept your proposal.

My monthly salary would be 50% of your income if you force me to quit my job.

You too would be wiping the bums of the kids if they poop and change their diapers. It’s not my job alone. They are your kids too.

You won’t dictate me and if I find you raising your voice, I will have the entire family arrested for domestic violence.”

Nitin was sweating profusely as he looked at Anisha. He showed the letter to his parents. It was evident from their behavior that they were trying to save their face and gave a forceful smile. Anisha had concluded with :
” I know that you are having unfair business dealings. If you try to complain about my rude behavior, I will have Income Tax authorities raid your premises.” The guests and Aunt Manju left after promising to contact soon.

Anisha was elated as they left without looking back at her or her parents. Her parents glared at her but she simply shrugged and said, ” You should get used to it by now. Please don’t forget what Arati didi went through. I simply rejected the guy because I didn’t like him. A girl too has every right to reject her suitors.”

Prakash had mischief twinkling in his eyes as he beckoned his wife over and suggested a plan. The next day, after Anisha went to her office, they called their nephew, Mohan to upload Anisha’s profile pic and horoscope into a matrimonial site. Later that evening, Anisha started receiving text message from several unknown numbers. A man called Kishore called her and said, ” Hi, I saw your profile on Soulmate.com. I liked your profile and would like to meet you in person.”

Anisha replied, ” I am sorry brother, I never registered in any damn matrimonial website. Better luck finding another unfortunate girl.” Kishore was shocked over her venomous speech. He sent the link containing her profile and sought an explanation. Anisha was furious. Her parents plotted against her. She texted Kishore, apologizing for her rude remarks. He felt disappointed as Anisha had called him brother.

Anisha immediately checked the site and called her cousin Prashant to confront him. He owned up to have set her profile on the insistence of her parents. After getting the login info. She changed her profile pic to that of a gorilla and altered her Horoscope.

Her horoscope now read

Name : Kingi Kongi
Age : 105 years
Date of birth: Subtract 105 from 2023.
Place of birth : Africa.
Hobbies : Killing and eating men.
Special talents : Making even corpses disappear.
Preferred partner : Someone like King Kong.

She chuckled and logged out of the site. That was the last time any man spoke to her. Her account got blocked and deleted. Her parents never knew why.

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