LAUGHTER TUESDAYS (62)

THE MISADVENTURES OF THE COMEDIENNE SISTERS : A COMEDY SHORT STORY by ME.

CHAPTER 14

SIMPLE VS COMPLICATED.

My English teacher, Ms. Philomena, shook her head as she checked my homework assignment. She called out my name in front of the class and said, ” Tsk… Tsk… Lekha. I expected more from you. You are the only student in the class whose knowledge of English is tolerable. I am disappointed with your essay on My memorable journey. I want you to refer to the dictionary and rewrite it .” I gritted my teeth in frustration. I failed to understand why people preferred complicated words to simple sentences. I nodded as she handed over my notebook.

Well, her nickname was Ms. Dracula for she loved to suck the blood of her students by dishing out too much of homework. My last period for the day was Social Science. Ms. Sleeping Pill entered the class after Dracula’s dramatic exit. Our Social science teacher, Ms. Ramola, started droning about the World Wars. I cursed Russia for adding one more boring chapter. I felt my eyelids drooping and with great difficulty, listened to her talk about the Nazis and the Fascists. I wanted to add Ms. Dracula’s name to the list of inhuman dictators but fearing the repercussion, I remained silent.

Then, the sky opened up while I was on my way home, walking with my elder sister, Rhea. We sought shelter at a nearby grocery store. It looked like God had forgotten to turn off the faucet of the clouds and we experienced a torrential downpour. It was getting late and our birth giver must be sick with worry. We hired an autorickshaw who fleeced us of 50₹ and dropped us home. It appeared as if Mom was indeed waiting for us. She opened the door immediately after hearing the doorbell.

Mom asked, “Oh my God! Both of you look like drowned rats. How did you get drenched?” I was losing my temper. Instead of allowing us to get in, she was questioning us. I replied, ” Well, you see, Mom. The sky drank too much water and its clouds were so full that they felt like peeing and that’s why we are wet.” Rhea giggled while Mom gave me a deathly glare. ” Would you care to explain your statement, young lady?” asked my mom with her hands on her hips. I sighed and replied, ” I don’t understand why you need an explanation for our drenching. It’s obvious that it’s raining.” Mom said, ” Then you could have told me in simple words. Why such a huge statement about the clouds urinating? It’s disgusting. If at all, you wanted to say it in a Shakespearean style, you should have said that the sky is shedding tears.”

It was then that I told her about my English teacher emphasizing on the need to use more sophisticated language. Mom handed us towels and went to prepare tea and snacks for us. I wanted to give Ms. Dracula ( Ms. Philomena) a taste of her own medicine. I started writing the essay ” My memorable journey “

I wrote :

I embarked on an exhilarating journey to the capital of India along with my household members. We boarded Rajhdhani Express at Mumbai Central on 3rd May 2022 at 5 PM and disembarked at New Delhi railroad terminal at 8.40 AM, the next day.

We were put up at a guesthouse near Connaught Place. We reinvigorated ourselves and hired a taxi for navigating throughout the places of tourist attractions in New Delhi.

Our first halt was at the residence of the first Prime Minister of India, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru which housed the memorabilia and the articles used by him. This was followed by a trip to the abodes of the rest of his family members who also happened to be India’s Premiers, Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi. We also visited the monuments of historical importance like the Red Fort, Qutub Minar and the religious shrines of worship of the idols of the deities, carved out of marbles and stones.

We paid a visit to the architectural complex housing the artifacts, tablets, and antiques, throwing light on our golden pasts and then succeeded by a trip to the caged residence of
the fauna. My sister and I enjoyed our voyage with our procreator and birth giver.”

I concluded the essay with a special note to the teacher :
I hope I lived up to the expectations of my English Educator, who I believe, suffers from
Floccinaucinihilipilification (The action or habit of estimating something as worthless.) ( I thank Deepika Nadkarni for this word which I referred from her amazing blog). This essay was sure to cause Ms. Philomena, a migraine.

The door bell rang and I opened the door to welcome Dad. Mom shouted from the kitchen, ” Who is it, Lekha? ” I thought of playing a prank. I remembered watching an episode of re-run of Hum Paanch ( A Zee TV comedy series) on YouTube, where one of the characters, Sweety, gives a funny answer.

I gave the same reply, ” Your mother’s son-in-law and my husband’s father-in-law has arrived.” Mom commented, ” Who’s this person? ” When she saw Dad who was snickering, Mom threw her rolling pin at me and yelled, ” You silly girl, Why didn’t you simply say, Daddy? ” I retorted, ” Tell that to Ms. Dracula who loves to complicate things.”
We had our dinner and went to bed earlier than usual.

The next day, I came to school, fully prepared with the complicated essay. English was the fourth period and just before lunch. Ms. Philomena strutted in like a turkey who thinks it’s a peacock. She collected our homework and gave us some exercises from grammar. As expected, she wanted to tear her hair apart in frustration, when it came to my notebook. She called out my name, ” Lekha, what the hell have you written? I admit I asked you to use a refined language but I had to check the dictionary fifteen times. Yet, I couldn’t make the heads and tails of it. What do you mean by Floccinaucinihilipilification? “

The whole class listened to our conversation and burst out laughing. My bestie, Seema, winked at me. I explained my essay and the meaning of the said word. Ms. Dracula seemed to be satisfied with the my explanation. And then I felt the need to go to the toilet. So I asked her, ” With your kind permission, may I embark on a journey to the zone of internal comfort and relief? “

Ms. Dracula, ” For God’s sake, please speak in Plain English. What do you mean by this sentence? ” I replied, ” I simply asked your permission to go to the restroom.” She was almost in tears, ” Go. And from now on, you must use a simple language, both in writing and oral communication.” I did a small victory dance outside the classroom.

I shared this incident with my elder sister, Rhea, who burst out laughing, and admired my sense of humor. This gave me an idea to author two books:
How to irritate people?
How to get rid of unwanted guests?

😂😂😂😂😂.

Note :
We paid a visit to the architectural complex housing the artifacts, tablets, and antiques, throwing light on our golden pasts refers to a museum.Then succeeded by a trip to the caged residence of the fauna ( I mean the zoo).

Thee religious shrines of worship of the idols of the deities, carved out of marbles and stones refers to the temple.

Procreator ( father) and birth giver ( mother).
This story is purely meant for humor with no intention to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I wish to thank Deepika Nadkarni of the site Make Time For Things You Love , for the usage of the word. Floccinaucinihilipilification.

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊