LAUGHTER TUESDAYS (21)

THE MISADVENTURES OF COMEDIENNE SISTERS: A COMEDy SHORT STORY by ME

Photo by Lucretius Mooka on Pexels.com

Chapter 8

Punishment for elders.

” Aaargh! ” I screamed as I saw a horrible face opening the door. “Grandma, ” I yelled, ” Please save us from this alien that has invaded our house.” The green woman knocked me on my head and replied, ” I am your mother, you idiot.” Rhea tried to stifle her laughter as Mom let us in. I was pushing my luck by provoking her yet again.

I asked her, ” Why have you covered your face with cow dung?” She answered with a sigh, ” This is a herbal face mask made of Neem leaves, henna, tulsi, aloe vera, and Multani Mitti.” ” Looks like गाय की टट्टी ( cow shit) to me, ” I replied, ” Please don’t tell me that you are using this mask to hide the pimples , boils, and zits on your face.” Mom looked like she was about to murder me as Rhea rolled over with laughter. Mom decided to ignore me as she went to sit on the recliner chair and closed her eyes.

” Mom,” I said, ” I heard that the Ramsay brothers are conducting an audition for their upcoming horror flick, “Bhatakti Aatma” ( The wandering soul). Why don’t you try for the lead role? ” ” That’s it, young lady, ” she replied, ” No dinner for you tonight.” ” What’s special tonight? ” I asked her, planning to apologize if it was my favorite dish. She replied, ” Rotis ( flatbread) with bottle guard ( lauki)stew.” I made a face and said, ” I would rather be hungry. Mom, I am sorry. I was just joking. I didn’t mean to hurt you intentionally.”

She merely grunted as I removed my shoes and socks. I went to my room and closed the door behind me. Rhea winked at me and said, ” I am sure you are going to get grounded for a week.” After changing our dresses, we had tea and snacks. Then I started doing my maths homework. I grumbled, ” I wish I knew who invented mathematics. I would dig him out of his grave to kill him again.” Rhea smirked at my outburst. She said, ” What’s the matter, sis? Do you want me to help you with a problem? ” I responded like a philosopher and remarked, ” As if the problems in our lives aren’t enough, why does mathematics makes it more complicated by marrying alphabets in English with numerals? Assume X= 7 , y =11 and so on.” Rhea explained one of the algebraic problems so effortlessly that I got most of my answers right. Solving a maths sum correctly is equivalent to bagging a medal. I achieved the Herculean task of completing a truckload of homework in other subjects as well.

Later that evening, my dad came home in a foul mood. Usually, he was a cool guy and rarely lost his temper. He smelled of urine and dog poop. He was literally screaming into my ears, ” Wait till I get my hands on Varma and Rastogi. I will break every bone in their bodies.” I tried to calm him down and said, ” Relax, Dad. What did those nincompoops do to upset you? ” Dad answered, ” Varma let his three-year-old brat, Sunny, pee on my head from the balcony of his second floor filthy apartment while he laughed shamelessly and I stepped on Rastogi’s dog’s poop. He too laughed at me. I have requested these bastards to potty train their kid and dog respectively. While Varma claimed Sunny was just a child and I should not make a big issue out of it, Rastogi had the same stupid argument.”

Our housing society had fourteen families, including us, out of which there were five families who consistently violated all the laws of the society. They were Rajan Varma and family, The Rastogis, The Mehras, The Kamdars , and The Chatterboxes
(Chatterjees). I had devised a plan to put them into their proper place . After dinner, I discussed my secret project with dad who was very excited and quite optimistic about the success of the plan. I let Rhea and ten other kids in my society join my scheme. After school, we started spying on the five erring families and recorded their activities. Finally, at the end of the week, we created posters announcing a special film on the honorable members of the society. Rahul bhaiya( elder brother) the son of Mr.and Mrs. Potdar arranged for a silver screen and an overhead projector. We scheduled the screening of the movie in an open playground at 5.30 PM. We had also made arrangements for tea, coffee, snacks and chairs.

The entire society turned up to watch the program, including the offenders. We began our show with a prayer to God and the silver screen lit up with my image carrying a microphone in my hand. I said, ” Good evening and welcome to the Oshiwara Housing society special show. We would like you to meet the ultra legends of our housing society who think they are God’s special creations. Our first guest of honor is Mr. Rajan Varma of Apartment 208 in the second floor of Building B. We are glad to inform you that he’s going to launch a special YouTube channel on shamelessness. Dear viewers, what do you do when you first get up in the morning? Go to toilet. This hero believes that the whole world is a big toilet and he can piss and poop anywhere. Please watch this video as he gives a special tutorial to his son to hold their hosepipes for watering the lawn. If doesn’t matter if any passerby gets drenched in their fountain. Their next episode might involve defecating in the public. ” The image showed Rajan holding his privates and urinating from the balcony with his son. Rajan was shamefaced and red in embarrassment as everyone burst out laughing at the video. I continued, ” I am sure there must be a problem with their toilet which is either clogged or Mrs. Varma and her daughter never leave the toilet. Mr. Varma, please accept this money that we have contributed towards the beautification of the society.” Mrs. Varma was so furious that she twisted her husband’s ear and said, ” Thank you, Lekha. Our toilet is fine and I have told him number of times to use it but he disregarded my advice and caused a public humiliation. I am so sorry with what everyone had gone through. As a punishment, I am going to make him clean everybody’s toilet for a week.” There was a huge round of applause for Mrs. Varma who was a sensible woman. Rahul bhaiya proceeded with the next clip of the Rastogis playing with their dog, Tommy. The next few clips showed Tommy biting the sweeper, the daughter of the Rastogis maid servant, and the postman. When questioned over not putting his dog on leash or keeping it chained, Mr. Rastogi said it was cruelty to animal. He also refused to pay for the medical expenses of the affected people. The next clip showed Shaguna, their maid, giving the food plates to Tommy for licking. She didn’t bother to scrub or clean the the dishes. It was her revenge for their ill-treatment. They not only refused to pay for her daughter’s treatment but also lashed out at her for taking a leave. I asked Bhaiya to pause the video and asked Rastogi, ” What would you have done if Tommy had bitten your children? ” Rastogi replied, ” I would have shot him dead and taken my children to the hospital. ” I asked him, ” Why do your children deserve a special treatment? Have they descended from Mars or a reincarnation of any God? You think too much of yourself and your family. A life is a life, Mr. Rastogi. You are a perfect example of how to not lead a selfish life. You refused to pay the sweeper, maid and the postman because of their low social status. Are you in any way related to the Maharaja of Mysore? Have you ever thought of what would happen if they didn’t turn up for the day? The society would stink and so would your house without Shaguna. You would lose important communication if the postman deliberately hid your mail.” The Rastogis hung their heads in shame. The video moved on to show the Mehras collecting contribution from every household for the Society Welfare scheme but a clip showed them pocketing the funds for their own welfare. ” So, this is the latest honorable technique of begging by Well to do people. For more details contact the Mehras at fraud420@modernwealthybeggars.com”. Everyone glared at the Mehras who quickly fled away after being exposed. Mr.Prashant Kamdar, was the chief secretary of our society but the most corrupt and inefficient fellow who won the election for the past five years by bribing his opponent from withdrawing his nomination. He never did his duties and in spite of numerous complaints on fixing drainage, proper water supply and faulty wiring, he did a shoddy work. The video showed his son asking money for going to school. The boy, Vinod, a fifth grader, was seen asking, ” Baba, I need 100₹ today. Only then will I go to school.” His father gave him 200₹ to encourage him. I picked up the mic and said, ” This is how the training for corruption is given. I fail to understand why you are sending your son to school at all. Train him properly to be a corrupt politician. One day he will ask you both to pay him money for taking care of you in your old age. Aren’t you ashamed of taking and offering bribe just to do your duties? You are also getting a regular salary. Tell me something, does your wife pay you money for eating the food cooked by her or do you pay her for sleeping with you?” The Kamdars couldn’t face anyone. Mr. Kamdar handed over his resignation and didn’t wait for the final show.
I presented Mrs. Chatterjee ( Chatterbox) gossiping and spreading baseless rumors that tarnished the image of a newly wed bride . I said, ” Hearty congratulations, Mrs. Chatterjee, for being the CCTV camera of this society rather than focusing on your own family. Rita’s husband, Sameer, has filed for divorce because of your unwanted interference. Why did you do it? The poor girl’s only fault was that she talked to your son to help him concentrate on his studies. Now why don’t you take a look at what’s happening behind your back?” Mrs. Chatterjee’s husband was molesting their maid servant. She slapped him and hit him with her sandals before running away from their home.

The movie ended as an eye opener for many. I concluded the program with a short speech. ” When children make mistakes, the adults try to correct them by using various methods. Explain gently about the consequences of their actions, then take disciplinary action by punishment, imposition etc. What happens to the adults who keep on committing the same mistakes time and again?” No one had any answer. I said, ” We always look up to our elders as our role models. If you disregard the law yourself, how can you expect us to obey you? Let’s conclude this meeting and hear your opinion on these families.” There were plenty of suggestions like imposing heavy fines and ostracizing them. But I came up with an idea and said, ” Let’s give them a final chance to redeem their lost dignity. If they fail this time, we will forward this video to a news channel.” Everyone applauded and appreciated me for my boldness to expose the crimes taking place in our society. Our parents beamed at me and Rhea with love, admiration and pride. I might be a comedienne but I am an Indian first and I would never let anyone tarnish the image of my motherland.

Jai Hind! Bharat Mata ki Jai!

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to visit my website. Hope you enjoyed reading my blogs. 😊😊

12 thoughts on “LAUGHTER TUESDAYS (21)

  1. Wow! Dear Aparna, amazing story, creative, fun. You makes me remember something, when she slapped him with her sandal. In Mexico if you received a slapped, we call “chanclazo” “chanclas” those are made with plastic, like when you go to the beach. ThanK’s for share, dear Aparna.
    Have a fantastic day full of love, hugs, fun, smiles, coffee, cakes, happiness and more!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. Very interesting share dear. I would love to know more about customs and practices in Mexico. Thank you so much, dear Elvira. Lots of love, hugs, kisses, smiles, coffees, cakes and lots of fun and happiness. 😊😊😊🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😍😍

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you very much, dear Aparna. I will tell you more. Have a day full of love, hugs, kisses, smiles, fin and happiness too!
    🙏🏻🥰😊😘🥰😊😘🥰😘🙏🏻😍🤗😍

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 😀😀😀😊😊. Thank you so much dear. My honorable neighbor who claims to hold so many educational degrees often forgets to turn off the motor for drawing water and the result is an unnecessary wastage of overflowing water in the form of a waterfall. This attitude only inspired me to write this story.

    Liked by 1 person

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