LAUGHTER TUESDAYS (19)

MR.FAULT FINDER : A COMICAL SHORT STORY BY ME

” I am gonna die tonight, ” crooned Akash in front of his mirror. His mother, Revati, yelled from the kitchen, ” Stop howling right now, or I will strangle you to make sure you die tonight.”

“Mom,” he said, “I am just practicing for the karaoke tonight at Dinesh’s wedding reception.” Revati came to his room with a cup of tea and said, ” Do wear your raincoat for extra protection. After listening to your horrible yelling, people may throw rotten eggs, tomatoes, or even spit on you. Don’t ruin your clothes.” ” Mom,” said Akash, ” What’s come over you? You were never this rude.”

Revati answered, ” It hurts your pride, right? What about you and your father constantly making fun of me? Generally, people love to crack jokes on others but can’t handle it when they are the object of ridicule.” Akash hung his head in shame. It was true. He always partnered with his dad, Shankar, to make fun of Revati. He thought she was cool and sportive to take their jokes in her stride. He hadn’t expected to see his mom in a new Avatar.

“I am sorry, Mom,” he said, ” I hurt your feelings. I thought you didn’t mind my cracking jokes on you.” Revati smiled and said, ” Good. I forgive you. Go and have your breakfast, or you will be late for your college.” Revati’s husband, Shankar, had already gone to the office. Revati was now free to do whatever she liked after she sent the father-son duo away to their office and college, respectively.

Later that evening, Revati wore a gorgeous pink silk Sari for her nephew Dinesh’s wedding reception. Her husband, Shankar, saw her and burst out laughing. He said, ” You look fat in this attire. Your gold choker is finding it difficult to stick to your throat.”
He expected his son to join in his teasing. Akash was shocked to see his mother’s tears and said, ” Dad, you don’t look like Hrithik Roshan yourself. “Shankar pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Revati refused to attend the party with them.

The next day, Shankar picked at his breakfast
and complained, ” This dosa tastes like garbage. You should have learned to cook from my mother. We have been married for 30 years. You still can’t cook properly.” He expected Revati to apologize and boost his overinflated ego. Instead, she removed his breakfast from the table and served it to their pet dog, Roxy. Akash was stunned, and so was his father.

Revati turned away without waiting for Shankar’s response. He had never expected his wife to behave in such a manner.
Later that evening, Shankar returned home
from the office. Revati offered him a glass of water. He immediately spat out. Revati glared at him, ” So, Mr. Fault Finder! What’s wrong with the water?” Shankar said, ” It tastes like tap water. It’s also smelly.” He had crossed all the limits of a sadistic husband. There was nothing wrong with the water, but he wanted to see her shed tears. Revati responded, ” Of course! I have been so stupid. I should have mixed Scotch, Whiskey, or rum to make the water drinkable. What is your preference, your Royal Highness? ” His naive, submissive wife, who never dared to open her mouth in front of him, was being cheeky towards him. He raised his hand to slap her, but she held his hand firmly and replied, ” I had enough of your brutality. Unless you wish to eat with your left hand, you will never try to hit me.”

It was Sunday, and Revati was making lunch.She had made Tomato Rasam, Onion Sambar, and cabbage curry. Shankar started complaining about the horrible stench in the air. He said, ” I can’t inhale this foul smell.” She replied, ” Then stop breathing. Don’t expect me to be at your beck and call.”

“You are an ungrateful woman, Revati. I helped you to improve your cooking skills and your way of living. I taught you everything and this is how you repay me, “complained Shankar.

Revati replied, ” You will also claim that you taught me how to breathe, urinate, shit, fart and menstruate, right? Why don’t you write a book describing how to wipe your ass after pooping? You did not teaching me anything. You kept interfering in my home management skills to belittle me and breathing down my neck like a dragon.” His beloved wife no longer treated him like a King nor was she afraid of him like his parents, Radhakrishna Shastri and Rukmini. He had terrorized them so much that they moved out to another location after his marriage.

Revati thought of a plan to teach him a lesson. She shared an excellent rapport with her parents-in-law. They sympathized with her because she had endured Shankar’s bullying for 30 years. She called her mother-in-law who was quite excited to the idea of seeking revenge for her humiliation.

Exactly after a week, Shankar’s mother, Rukmini came to visit Revati. Shankar was still snoring away. It was 8 AM. Rukmini prepared the breakfast as well as the meals.After finishing her work, she went to hide in the guest room.

Shankar kept quiet during breakfast but when they had lunch, he couldn’t stop himself from commenting, ” Have you forgotten how to cook? The idlis were as hard as a rock. I had to use a hammer to break them. These chapatis are as thick as a Buffalo’s hide. And the gravy looks like liquid poop.”

Revati started giggling and addressed her son, “Akash, your father is great. He has eaten everything a normal person wouldn’t dare to eat. He ate garbage, tasted poop, Buffalo’s hide and rock. “
Shankar was shocked to find his 72-year-old
mother with a broom in her hand. She whacked him on his behind. ” So, my idlis are rocks, my chapatis are Buffalo’s hide and my gravy ( dal) is like liquid poop. You are a scoundrel and an arrogant pig. A sound beating will do the trick. “

She kept hitting Shankar while Akash burst out laughing and Revati clicked the pictures. Finally, Shankar fell at her feet and apologized to her. He said that his friends had misguided him to control the women in his family.

Revati said, ” Promise me that you will stop criticizing me and whining all the time to treat you like God. God never treats His devotees like you do. If you ever raise your voice against me, I will make sure to share the pictures of your sound thrashing in the social media.”

Shankar learned a very big lesson. He hadn’t felt the pain of humiliation until his mother beat him after all these years. He stopped passing comments and interfering with Revati’s home management.

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