THE MISADVENTURES OF COMEDIENNE SISTERS : A COMEDY SHORT STORY BY ME.
A Bully is bullied
” Rhea,” I called out my elder sister, ” Where are you? I have to show you something.” Rhea was reading a book in the living room. She jumped up in excitement as I said, ” I clicked the picture of the closest living relative of a dinosaur. Can you believe? Our house is full of them.” She snatched my phone and saw the picture. She must have jumped a foot in the air before whacking my head with her book. It was the magnified picture of a lizard sticking its tongue out and staring at her with its beady eyes.
” Yuck! You idiot, Lekha. Do you want me to die of a heart attack? ” she yelled at me. I snickered at her and replied, ” Honestly, Rhea! You call yourself a topper and don’t even know that a lizard is one of the close relative of a dinosaur, beside a hen and an alligator.” Rhea slapped her palm against her forehead. She exclaimed, ” Oh My God! Why didn’t I realize that it’s April 1 today? ” She chased me around while I skillfully dodged her punches.
Finally, she stopped chasing me. I said, ” Now it’s mom’s turn to get fooled.” She smirked, ” I don’t think mom will fall for your silly trick. If you manage to fool her, I will pay you 500 bucks.” ” Be ready with the cash, sis,” I said, carrying my mobile phone with me. I went outside, leaving Rhea puzzled over my sudden departure.
I called my landline number at home. Rhea picked the call as I disguised my voice and said, “May I speak to Mrs. Patel, please? This is Rita Senorita from The Kitchen Queen contest.” Poor Rhea! She fell for my trap and put the call on hold to fetch Mom. Mom answered, ” Hello, This is Mrs. Alka Patel speaking.” I continued in the same nasal voice, ” Mrs. Patel, we are the organizers of The Kitchen Queen contest. We are happy to announce that you can win a special prize, if you answer this question correctly.” Mom was excited, “Please proceed with your question.” I asked, ” What are the ingredients used for making tea?” Mom rattled off her answer to which I replied, ” Congratulations, Mrs. Alka Patel. You have won the first prize of a trip to your kitchen and prepare the tea for your family and enjoy it with them.”
Mom squealed in delight, not realizing that she had been fooled. She disconnected the call and I burst out laughing. I made a straight face with great difficulty and went home. Mom and Rhea hugged me as they told me about the prize. I was desperately trying to hold back my giggle but managed to say, ” Gosh! You should claim the prize right now or it’s validity might expire.” ” Wait a minute, ” said Mom, ” A free trip to my kitchen? What kind of prize is that?” It dawned on both of them that they had been fooled. Rhea gave me a deathly glare and told her that I was the one who played the prank. Initially, Mom was furious, but she started laughing after getting the gist of the joke. ” Good one, Lekha,” she smiled at me. Rhea felt as if someone had given her a bitter pill. She paid me 500₹ which I returned graciously.
The door bell rang and I opened the door to find a young girl in her twenties with a suitcase and a handbag. ” Hi,” she said with a forced smile, ” Is this the Patel residence?” I stopped myself from reporting, ” No. Barack Obama lives here with his family.” ” Who’s it, Lekha?” asked my Mom. She saw her and acted like a typical aunty character in a Bollywood movie. ” Oh my Gosh! Nikki, how tall you have grown? Oh, I am sorry! Why don’t you come in?” She followed Mom and said, ” I wanted to call you about my visit but my Mom said that it would be a pleasant surprise if I come announced.”
Mom introduced her as Nikita, her elder sister, Gita’s only daughter. Rhea and I could feel the trouble brewing up. We weren’t comfortable with anyone invading our privacy, even if it was our cousin. She joined us at lunch and bragged about her studies in London. ” How hot and sultry it’s in India? Your house is quite small compared to my apartment in London. Anyway, don’t worry. I will manage to adjust with whatever is available to me.” Rhea and I hated her instantly, unlike our crazy mother, who was warming up to her idiotic, spoilt brat of a niece. I responded, ” What a great sacrifice! You deserve a Nobel Prize for giving up your comforts to spend a couple of days with the family of morons. If you hate India so much, why did you come back? “
She felt uncomfortable about my sarcastic comments and replied, ” My parents never wanted to send me abroad, stating that I was a girl and it was dangerous for an unmarried, virgin girl to live alone in another country, away from the scrutiny of the parents. I pleaded with them to give me a chance to finish my studies and then I would come back to my roots.” ” But what about your branches and stem that you left behind in London? ” I remarked, earning a glare from Mom and Nikki and giggling by Rhea and Granny.
Nikki said, ” I forgive you for your silly remarks. You would still be enjoying the pleasure of my company for a week. I have to attend a job interview this week. So, we will have fun together.”
Except for Mom, Nikki managed to irritate everyone with her bossy attitude. She made us follow her stupid diet, and got us to exercise and take up yoga.
I decided to teach her a lesson and make her go back to her parents. Just a day before her scheduled date of interview, I changed her resume with the one that I had written. I wrote:
Name: Daddy’s Princess, Mommy’s Dayan (Dayan means an evil witch), Brother’s
Age : Women don’t tell their age. Don’t ask.
Career objective: To earn money without having to work. I hate any kind of labor.
Educational Qualifications: B.Com ( History)
B.A. ( Chemistry)
Ph.D in Boasting
from the University of Timbuktu.
Work Experience: More than 20 years’ experience in sucking the blood of my parents to fulfill my never ending demands.
Salary Expectation: The entire turnover of the company in a year.
Helping the hospitals to increase their revenue by raising the blood pressure of those around me and sending them to these hospitals for treatment.
Statement of Declaration:
I, hereby, declare that the information provided in my Resume above are absolutely rubbish and made under the influence of liquor. I prefer whisky, rum and gin.
Date : 1.4.2022.
I forged her signature that looked more like a frog face.
The next day, Nikki attended the interview, and came back in tears. I felt sorry for her and was about to apologize for my prank, when she hugged me and said, ” How I wish I hadn’t set foot in that company! The MD read out my resume in front of the other interviewers. They laughed at me and refused to go ahead with the next round of interview. In fact, I was quite ecstatic over my rejection.” I was puzzled over her weird reaction and asked, “Then why are you crying? “
Nikki replied, ” The MD’s womanizing son sought me out after the interview to discuss our marriage plan. My parents had been responsible for forcing me to accept a position in this company and marry the MD’s son. The MD of this company is my parents’ close friend and wants me to be his daughter-in-law. But I want to go back to London and live there for at least another five years before my marriage. I am sorry for misbehaving with you all. I did it on purpose so that you would hate me and send me back to my parents. But the main problem is the jerk claims to be in love with me in spite of the ridiculous CV. He has threatened to throw acid on my face if I refused to go ahead with the planned alliance. I have to go back to Ahmedabad day after tomorrow with a positive report or else my parents would kill me.” I hugged her and wiped away her tears.
I told her about my role in changing the CV and she forgave me with a smile. Nikki was really a good girl. I promised to help her but she was sceptical of my assurance because of my age. I asked her to show me the pic of the guy who had threatened her. She showed it to me on her mobile. I forwarded those pics to my WhatsApp number and created a new post for Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn and so on.
It looked like a Meme with a caption that I had created:
Presenting the best toilet cleaner. He’s more effective than Harpic because he always carries a bottle of acid ready to use. Call him at 900000000. Effectiveness of the product is guaranteed because he imagines the toilet floor as the faces of the girls who rejected him and gives it an extra scrubbing for the removal of yellow stains. I showed the post with the pic of the jackass who was supposed to marry Nikki. She had a hearty laughter. I posted the meme in all the social media pages. Rhea joined us in having fun. Mom was pleased to see a change in our attitudes towards Nikki.
The next day, Nikki jumped in joy and kissed me after telling me that her wedding was called off. The MD and his son were so humiliated that they called off the alliance and went into hiding.
We celebrated the success of our plan with a grand party in a hotel. It was a sad moment for us when Nikki decided to go back to London but she promised to send some amazing gifts for me and Rhea. What a huge turn around!
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