LOVE DEBACLE

A FUNNY SHORT STORY By ME.

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Other than your pretty face, I see nothing in this world.
My dear sweetheart, you are a treat for my sore eyes.
You make my heart skip a beat.
Your graceful swaying of hips takes my breath away.
It reminds me of a golden doe gently trotting around the woods.
Your locks are as dark as the enchanting night or a black serpent.
I wish to swim in the deep ocean of your lovely eyes.
I want to hear your melodious voice.
I think I have just scaled the peak of the mountain of love.
Just hold my hands firmly and walk with me into the journey of life.
I assure you of all the happiness in this world.
Would you like to be my wife?


Rakesh Shrivastav, 46, had just finished writing this poem for a contest. His children, Amit, 15, and Suman, 14, were miffed with him. He had broken his promise of taking them to the amusement park. Rakesh tried to mollify them and said,” I already apologized for my mistake. Why don’t you give me a chance?” ” What’s your excuse this time?” asked Amit. His father replied, ” I am participating in an ongoing poetry competition. The first prize is $100 plus publication in a literary magazine. If I win, I promise to take you on a trip to Shimla.”

Suman and Amit said nothing. The children had lost their mother to blood cancer when they were in their third and second grade respectively. Rakesh had raised them with guidance from his parents-in-law. The poem was just an excuse to pour his heart out to his colleague, Rosie. He wanted to marry her but was afraid of discussing this sensitive issue with his children. The children cleared the dining table and said goodnight.

Rakesh had completed a hat-trick of going back on his promise. Suman and Amit wanted to teach him a lesson. They checked whether the coast was clear. Amit crept stealthily towards his father’s study and opened the diary. He removed the single sheet containing the poem and tucked it in his shirt pocket. Suman was waiting for him.

They dashed to his room and discussed how to ruin the poem. Both of them read it and neither of them was impressed with it. Amit asked his sister, ” Do you think that the judges would even consider this trash for consolation prize?” Suman chuckled,” It seems that Dad wrote this poem for his girl friend and planning to propose her. The competition is just a ruse.” They were actually horrified to think about stepmom.

Suman tore a page out of her long notebook and copied the poem. She rewrote it after inserting sarcastic remarks after each line, making it extremely funny. The poem now looked like this:

Other than your pretty face, I see nothing in this world.

Probably, I need to visit an optician to check my eye sight.

My dear sweetheart, you are a treat for my sore eyes

Don’t believe me. I have used these lines plenty of times for so many women.

You make my heart skip a beat.

Especially, when I see you without make-up, you scare me to death.

Your graceful swaying of hips takes my breath away.

It’s nothing but the reaction to your stinking fart. I may die of Poisonous fumes.

It reminds me of a golden doe gently trotting around the woods.

I made a fool of you and it’s not even April. You walk like an overworked bull about to drop dead.

Your locks are as dark as the enchanting night or a black serpent.

You look like Medusa with serpents for hair.

I wish to swim in the deep ocean of your lovely eyes.

Unfortunately, your eyes are suffering from severe drought. I can’t find a single drop of water.

I want to hear your melodious voice.

Beggars Association has selected you as their representative on metro train. Begging bowl also provided and training given for horrible singing to compel people to part with their money.

I think I have just scaled the peak of the mountain of love.

I think I have reached the height of insanity after falling in love with an ape like you.

Just hold my hands firmly and walk with me into the journey of life.

Please leave me alone and let me enjoy my life.

I assure you of all the happiness in this world.

I assure you that both of us will be quite happy after dumping each other.

Would you like to be my wife?

Please don’t answer that question. I was drunk when I posed that idiotic question.

Suman and Amit proceeded to have a hearty laughter. It was Amit’s turn to mock his father’s poem. He wrote the poem once again and added silly questions and answers at the end of the poem.

Question 1: Who wrote this poem and why?

Answer: An alcoholic idiot, who had lost his sanity after his lover rejected him, wrote this poem due to sheer madness.

Question 2: What is the main objective of writing this poem?

Answer: To add another silly poem to the English textbook and torture poor children to memorize it.

Question: What does the poet want to convey through this poem?

Answer: Flattery and a bunch of lies can get you anything you want, including dumb girlfriends who might look like Bellatrix Lestrange but you convince them that they are gorgeous like Hermione or Ginny Weasley. Be careful with what you want and never address any woman as ‘ aunty’ if you value your life.

Amit stapled both the pages, written by him and Suman. The latter hid her father’s original poem. Amit went back to the study and kept the pages inside the diary. The next day, Rakesh took the pages in a hurry without casting a glance at the contents and got them photocopied. He kept one copy in a white envelope and addressed it to Rosie while he mailed the other one to the contest.

After reaching his office, Rakesh gave the envelope to Rosie and waited for her response. She went purple in rage and thrashed him black and blue. His colleague laughed at him while his boss, Kishore, enjoyed every moment of his humiliation. Kishore also was in love with Rosie. They didn’t know that Rosie was two-timing them. Rakesh lost his self-respect and job as well. He came home with a black eye, swollen cheek, and walked with a limp.

His children were worried about his bruises. He told them a convincing lie that he had slipped on his way from the restroom and fell down. He didn’t want to burden them with his sorry state of affairs. After a couple of days, his friend and colleague, Prakash sent him a message that all the employees had lost their jobs after Kishore filed for bankruptcy. Rosie had siphoned off his personal and business account with the bank, leaving him penniless and fled away.

Rakesh thanked God for saving him from a miserable fate. His children confessed to him about their pranks but he joined them in their laughter instead of scolding them. He suddenly realized his folly and prayed for his entry to be rejected.

He applied for freelance content writing job and earned a substantial salary. As promised, he spent some time with his children in the amusement park. He never had so much fun in his life. He vowed never to get involved with a woman again and write poems.

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